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Archive for the ‘Fickle Feelings’ Category

When I am Upset

June 29, 2011 Leave a comment

1)Go shopping

2)Eat & eat

3)Watch movie

4)Make over for my bedroom (with new bed spread,curtains….)

5)Blogging(i felt very content & happy doing it)

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Categories: Fickle Feelings

Gloomy Sunday!!

June 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Woke up with period pains & that annoying hammering noise at the construction site opposite to my home,looked at my mobile it was six in the morn,that noise was geting on my nerves…to deviate myself from it..so that i don’t end up with frustration & heavy head i just pluged in my head phones to listen to the radio..guess what which song was playing “Papa kehte hai..bada naam karega” frm qyamat se qyamat tak ! ..later herd the RJ saying it was father’s Day today…I am not a believer of these day’s…i wonder whats the need for it?
Mother’s day,father’s day etc….
Do we need a day to make our parents feel special or thank them for all they did..I don’t think so…
But i fell sullen as memories reiterated in my mind..
-That unspoken affection & love my dad always had for me,
-his desire to give best for us -food,education and lots more,

Many more things kept running in my mind,and soon i was crying…i felt a deep desire to meet him..i just wondered if would meet him again..& this thought made me more miserable..I was crying & never new when i fell asleep..

It was such a ponderous day,i guess i was missing someone..But y should i miss that person…when that person does not feel the same for me y should i feel like this?

Enough i am not going to think bout him(The second man in a girls life after her dad,i guess every girl tries to find something bout her father in the other man..& they end up expecting so much but forget that he is not a hero like her father to know every hidden desire of her’s ) anymore…but……..

most of the time i kept looking at my phone…now its enough…i am not going to be sooo desperate anymore,let me see how long i can do this…

To deviate myself from all this in my life I started to make up my room..

very firstly i put on the new bed spread..very colorful one…Check out…Hope its not too colorful..never mind i loved the look 🙂

This is what i put up on my table.So lively  ,It did make my day……………

Mohammad….

June 19, 2011 Leave a comment

As he walk’s in my room & calls me “aapi” in his sweet innocent voice,whatever mood i am in it makes me feel smug….

we all at home  are so much drawn to him…he sets the entire home with fun & joy with his innocence …

Jut look into his innocent eyes…

He is very fond of my room…look at him..often runs into my room 🙂

See the Look when he is annoyed !

Categories: Fickle Feelings

My Misery

May 22, 2011 Leave a comment

I guess i write only when i am upset or really in a state of despair,only when i have nobody to share my feelings to.That’s the reason most of my post are so saddening.

I felt nothing good this morning….
all i felt is miserable
dejected & lonely.
something new that i wore..still culd not mke my day..I guess i wore my new dress only to hide my feelings 😦

Categories: Fickle Feelings

Cry baby cry

May 22, 2011 Leave a comment

First I use to cry for my parents,
then for studies,
then for job,
then again for job & parents,
then for marriage ,
then for love,
then for parents & lost love,
then for loneliness,
then for job disaster,
then for parents & my unfaithfulness to them,
then for accepting somebody else,
then for insecurities,
then for lost parent,
then for holding on someone in spite of knowing that i will be hurt,
then for Quandary & helplessness,
& dunno for what more …….

Categories: Fickle Feelings

Happy Mothers Day Mom

May 10, 2010 Leave a comment

I wanted to buy a pair of earrings for mom ,I feel bad whenever I see her sad, I want her to happy, most of the time she is lost in abba’s  memories ,I had planned to go out with L then I thought how could I do this ,leaving my family in despair how can I enjoy ? On the pretext of getting haircut done I went out with L to buy earrings for my mom, I was all excited to give it to her, but this effort of mine didn’t bring a smile on her face, instead she was more upset about me going all alone to buy jewelery as though it’s a big  task. I know why she felt so, we grew up in such conserve environment, we would not think of going out shopping without mom, but over few months I had learn to go all by myself because I felt dejected when I was not given importance when my sister’s marriage was all the priority in everyone’s life at home ,and also because L was back in my life and maybe I was so vulnerable and I was so in need of love and importance that lead to this mercurial behavior of mine, I knew L would be with me in every core I do. I felt really miserable for my failure in bringing those little happy moments in my mom’s life, I just went into my room & tried sleeping but only sorrow filled my night.

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Happy Birthday Abba !!

May 5, 2010 Leave a comment

Today is Abba’s Birthday,Abba I feel ur emptiness in our life’s,we miss you extremely.

You know what I and Arshi had planned to buy a cake for this birthday of yours just to surprise you,we know that you don’t like all this but we thought we were assuming ,May be you would have been so delighted to cut the cake at night 12 as we did on our birthdays. I know you would have never done this in your lifetime, but somewhere in the corner of your heart you would have hoped for this kind of surprise. But how unfortunate are we that we could not give this surprise to you. All this seem to be Inconsequential then, but every trivial thing seems to be missing you. Your anger when we stop you from smoking ,your deep pent-up love ,your endless faith in us, your smug smile on seeing us driving our own cars, your unstoppable proud talk on our achievements in work to our envious relatives, your squabble with ammi for the TV remote and the noisy argument you pick up with her on watching TV late night, Every  comment of yours on ammi’s cooking, your peer into our room when we leave you all alone to watch TV for a lengthy gossip, Your tears and content filled heart on arshi’s wedding and many more indescribable deeds of yours we miss.

Today is Abba’s Birthday,Abba I feel ur emptiness in our lifes,we miss you extremely.

You know what I and Arshi had planned to buy a cake for this birthday of yours just to surprise you,we know that you don’t like all this but we thought we were assuming ,May be you would have been so delighted to cut the cake at night 12 as we did on our birthdays. I know you would have never done this in your lifetime, but somewhere in the corner of your heart you would have hoped for this kind of surprise. But how unfortunate are we that we could not give this surprise to you. All this seem to be Inconsequential then, but every trivial thing seems to be missing you. Your anger when we stop you from smoking ,your deep pent-up love ,your endless faith in us, your smug smile on seeing us driving our own cars, your unstoppable proud talk on our achievements in work to our envious relatives, your squabble with ammi for the TV remote and the noisy argument you pick up with her on watching TV late night, Every  comment of yours on ammi’s cooking, your peer into our room when we leave you all alone to watch TV for a lengthy gossip, Your tears and content filled heart on arshi’s wedding and many more indescribable deeds of yours we miss.

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