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Archive for October, 2008

Reality strikes hard

October 22, 2008 Leave a comment

I didn’t go to work today, the same monotonous job and even if I do my best people have endless comments on the same, I wanted a break, So here iam at home and I had a whole list of things to do, but as usual I didn’t do all of them but content that I could accomplish at least one of them.

 

I went to the beauty salon and got my pedicure and manicure done ,I don’t know why every time I go there I get reminded of him, I thought all the ladies coming there would have their husbands or boyfriends and they would be so happy to be with them, may be it is just my hallucination and the other lady comes in my eyes, she would be doing all this for him and its only her he will be seeing and will always be there with her, but why did he pretend to me. He took me for granted, I had never asked for all this, it was he who initiated all this and expressed his feelings to me.

I thought I was a stupid, fool, dumb and a duffer .Its breaking me inside, I am dying everyday ,God why me ?How will all this end, every moment in my life is gyrating around this,when will this vicious circle end ? why can’t I accept that everything is over, he doesn’t exist anymore for me. every time he calls he has only one thing to say “I am sorry”, why the hell are you sorry man, I don’t want anyone’s sympathy.

Anyways I don’t know when iam going to get over this. I bought this new pen today it is so special with a red light shimmering for every impression I make in my dairy,I hope soon I reach that day when he is completely out of my life and memory .I know nobody is going to sympathize or stand by me in this case because it was my stupidity to believe somebody like that and even after all this iam still enduring the pain and suffering for him, but however stupid it might be Iam not able to accept the truth that he never loved me !!

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Categories: Fickle Feelings

A special wish !!

October 21, 2008 Leave a comment

I wish I was a stone,

Washed away by sore and reckless rivers,

But still strong just to emerge as a smooth pebble.

 

I wish I was the sun,

Emitting ton’s of rigorous fire,

Just to see the green trees growing with mirth towards me.

 

I wish I was a cloud,

Carried away by strong and brutal storm,

But only to shower on the thirsty land.

 

But I wish I was never a human,

Who would just run from his fears,

One who hurts and does nothing different

But walks with the horde!

Categories: Poetry

Lonely Me !!

October 21, 2008 Leave a comment

I was feeling sad and morose even around people who love me Why?

Just to realize how alone I am!

 

I live my life in fear to face that undisclosed destiny of mine,

Which I don’t wish for but will be forced to accept it.

Just to realize how alone I am!

 

I crave to share my fears to my friends

But how Long?

Just to realize how alone I am!

 

When I see my loved ones a feeling of guilt covers me up

But why?

What’s wrong with me or am I befuddled with things in my life.

But still I wonder

How alone I am!

Categories: Poetry

Desires of freedom

October 21, 2008 Leave a comment

I lay staring at the bright sky, where the clouds moved free,

Wish I was a cloud high in the sky, none to stop me from what I want.

Away from all fears, I fly high to my dreams.

Where there would be no dark night to fall on my dreams and desires,

But only the smirk shine of the sun and the be friendly warmth of the moon light

To brighten my path of desire!

Where I walk all happy and content !!!

Categories: Poetry

Miracle

October 20, 2008 Leave a comment

I have wriiten so many exams in my life,exams in school,college,for certifications,entrance exams and many more..

But I can never forget the board exams of my 10th standard,There use to be so much of competition in my class,but it was not all that stressing but more of fun especillay when my rivals were the guys of my class.

Life was more easy then,because i remeber making a time table every day and would do my best to adhere to the same.Wake up at 6 study as per the time table ,then get ready to school and then walk to school ,my school was so close to my house just 5 min walk.

As we were in our 10th we use to hardly attend the assembly,as we use to have our special classes then.And during games period me and my frnds use to do group studies and the guys would play to mirth.But I remeber this guy ‘x’ who would stay back in class even when the others would be in the play ground,he use to come 2nd in the class and i was 3rd ,All that was set in my head was to

SO u guessed it right he was my eminent rival.

But that is what makes life so appealing, when your existence does create an impact on others .

 

Then came my board exams, I had done so much of preparation throughout the year, but unfortunately I had the exam fear ,irrespective of iam prepared or not it would remain etched in my brains that next day is exam and that would make me restless & I would start turning the pages again & again of my books, more than studying.

It was my science exam and I had 3 days holidays for the preparation, tottaly I had some 8 chapter to be studied, I was cool on first day I completed around 2 chapters ,that too easy once, yes it was the world cup that was hampering my studies, I was studying with ease ,relying on 3 days preparation holidays and spend time watching the world cup matches, How irresponsible I had gone and finally on the last day I sat crying miserably ,wondering how would complete studying for the reaming chapters, I was feeling unaided, I had no time and so much to finish. My head had gone void, I felt like I knew nothing and I could feel all the hard work I had done through out the year was in vain.

I was just wishing for a miracle to happen the next day, But I knew it was my stupidity to think so.

 

Then came the ray of Hope, when my angel my mom came to my rescue. She was by my side all night till I fell asleep, her words of wisdom and comfort showed me the way to success. And the next day guess what she came along with me to the school, I was feeling so embarrassed not because she is with me because I was feeling real weird that me who is in her 10th and a grown up has suddenly gone so meek like a baby who need’s her mom to take her to school .And this was the first time she had accompanied me to the school since the time I had joined the school. On the way to school I met my friends and seeing them I could not control my emotions and I broke down to tears and I could see tears in my mom’s eyes as well ,every one consoled me saying that even they were not prepared and they new I would do my best. Then my mom left me and told me these words” never loose hope, I know you will do your best and hard work always pays, and I will pray to god that you get an easy question paper and I know God will always listen to a crying mother “.

Then I went along with my friends to the exam hall and then I gathered up courage and my mom’s words remained echoing in my mind and never I had written any of my paper with so much of confidence, I was happy that I was able to answer all the questions.

And guess what I had scored 99% in that exam and all of my friends had to say only one thing “Theses marks are the answer to your mom’s prayers” And yes the miracle which I was hoping for did happen and it was because of my Mom.

Categories: Fickle Feelings